Defensiveness

Sometimes back, I was living together with my sister. One night, her friends came to pick her for the 4^th of July party. We got into a squabble as I explained to her that she did not have to go since we were new in town, and she did not know those people well. While I was caring for her safety, I did not want to spend the night alone since I had no plans. Another time I was working in a healthcare clinic when a medical biller sent me to collect his coffee three days consecutively. On the fourth day, I gushed to him, explaining that that was not my role in the facility.

In both situations, I used the control and superiority Gibbs categories, respectively (Gibb, 2007). In the first scenario, I was controlling the outcome of my sister without considering her desires and feelings. In the second account, I was forcing my superiority on the biller, carrying myself as more important or not worthy deserving to be sent.

In the first scenario, I should have devised a solution that would make both my sister and I contented. For instance, letting her go, and I spending the night with my friends. In the second case, I should have inquired why the biller ought to send me three days consecutively. Maybe he had some issues that restrained his movement. In the two scenarios, my communication did not accommodate a supportive relational climate.

Yes. I am defensive, which often comes out naturally. There are times when I put security or ego or love for something or something before anything else, and protect them candidly. That means neglecting the rationale for others. Topics that seem disrespectful or discriminating such as sexist or racial talks, trigger my defensiveness. Also, I value my family so much, and I would not let anything hurting happen to them.

References

Gibb, J.R. (2007). Defensive communication. In C. D. Mortensen (Ed.), Communication theory (2nd ed.), (p. 201- 212). New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers