Although marriage is often considered the “happy ever after” stage of a relationship, couples face marriage challenges. Marriage problems are diverse and happen for various reasons. Some can be easily solved, while others may be difficult to resolve, leading to divorce. This paper will specifically look into the marriage problems that lead to divorce. Therefore, the paper will examine these problems from various perspectives; sociological, cultural, psychological, political, and biblical. For a marriage to succeed, couples must consider their differences socially, psychologically, religiously, culturally, and politically.
Social Sciences Discipline
There are many sociological factors that cause marriage problems. The most common of all is the lack of effective communication. Many marriage partners often confuse the meaning of “talking” and “communicating.” What causes chaos and misunderstanding is “talking” because it is giving information without expecting a response. Hence, the information does not convey any meaning. If the partners do not engage in effective communication, misunderstandings, chaos, and other emotions like anger arise. These may prompt a chain of reactions leading to divorce. No one would like to stay in a marriage where there is no communication.
Another social problem is letting unnecessary issues get into the bedroom. Several things make spouses lose interest in sexual intimacy, but selfish talks during intimate sessions are the most prevalent ones. It is hard to have a healthy marriage if the spouses are not emotionally ad physically attached (Fincham, 2003). Bringing irrelevant issues in the bedroom often increases the physical distance between partners, affecting the intimate life. Eventually, if there is no sexual satisfaction, they separate or divorce.
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Psychologists posit that one of the problems that lead to divorce is emotional infidelity (BUSS et al., 1999). Once couples are married, it is common for them to become emotionally detached. If this happens, it is likely because some needs are not met especially sexual needs. Emotional attachment does foster not only sexual life but also the social life of the couples. Therefore, if it is damaged, it means both communication and intimacy will be at risk. Marriage is virtually connected by communication and intimacy; hence, it is likely to break if they are absent. Psychologists say that emotional disconnect may be worse for many couples than physical because it also involves attaching value to the partner.
Another marriage problem related to psychology is wandering focus. This is linked to the mental and cognitive psychology of a person. After marriage, some people often lose their focus and start diverting their attention and mind towards other things or people. Some of the things that may make a spouse lose focus are career, friends, children, or hobbies. This may lead to the other spouse feeling brunt about the situation because they are not given the attention they deserve. Lack of attention could be physical or emotional attention. Woman’s divorce (n.d) gives a story of a woman who was married at twenty. The woman narrated that the man got attached to her old girlfriend as soon as they got married, and sex stopped. The man acted angry at her, and when they had arguments, the man said, “We’ll just get a divorce.” In this case, the man diverted his attention to his old girlfriend and did not bother about the wife, which finally led to divorce.
Social sciences perspectives are different from other disciplines in that the problems arise from the surrounding. We see what we talk about, what others talk about or believe should be the case, which forms the social sciences marriage problems. Other disciplines may not account for marriage problems from society’s beliefs; instead, it has been studied and verified to be the problem.
Applied Sciences Discipline
Issues to do with finances have also been highly linked to problems that lead to divorce. One of them is fighting about money. People say that money is the root of all problems (Merali, 2015). While divorce is a problem, money could be the most influential factor of divorce than any other factor. It is common for married people to link their bank accounts, while others opt to separate them. Either way, money issues will still arise. Issues arise in this manner. Spouses have different money spending habits, so when they decide to talk about how to spend their money, chaos arises. Many of them also differ in their salaries, and it also affects how they spend. Eventually, there are misunderstandings about money, which leads to divorce. To avoid this, couples must study each other’s behavior before marriage to be on the same page.
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Political differences cannot be alienated from the causes of divorce. If one spouse supports a particular political movement, and the other spouse does not, the two may be involved in the chaos. Cases have been reported in which married people divorce due to political differences. For instance, “The Trump Effect” has seen many families breaking. For example, Jones (2018) cites the case of Gayle McCormick, a 73-year old woman from California who divorced her 22-year old husband because the husband voted Trump in. She argued that it was a deal-breaker because she felt the husband had betrayed her. Therefore, political differences is a marriage problem that can lead to divorce.
Applied Sciences’ perspective differs from other disciplines in that it deals with existing knowledge. For instance, a technological innovation that influences the economy and politics. Hence, the perspectives in this forum give marriage problems that are currently existing and factual.
Marriage problems that lead to divorce cannot be fully explained if cultural factors are not incorporated. One of the most prevalent cultural factors is overstepping boundaries or what is commonly known as polygamy (Brooks, 2017). When two people are married, it is common for one of them to step out of the marriage boundary in a bid to look for another suitor. Studies show that men are the most affected in stepping out of the boundaries. Culturally, men are permitted to have more than one wife. This is still practiced in some parts of the world, like some parts of Africa. In western countries, it is rarely practiced, but there are few cases. Trying to find another spouse will lead to the partner feeling disrespected, hurt, and angry. In the end, chaos and fights will erupt, and the marriage cannot stand.
Although the Bible and other religious books do not advocate and are against divorce, the Bible mainly gives two divorce instances (Chery, 2020). One, in the case of abandonment. If one partner does not believe in the other and chaos erupts between the two, one partner can leave as they are not bound to staying in a marriage with no peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 – “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” Thus, in such a case, divorce can happen, secondly, on an occasion where there is sexual immorality of one partner. The Bible particularly says if the wife has been unfaithful, the husband can give her a written notice of divorce. Matthew 5:31, “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ However, I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. Even though it has given two conditions, God still hates Divorce (Chery, 2020).
Insights from my Culture and Others’
My own culture posits that divorce could be highly attributed to race and ethnicity. It believes that people who marry outside their ethnic community or race are at a higher risk of breaking up their marriages. The reason being these people have grown up in different backgrounds, each of them having their own interests and dislikes. If these two people decide to stay together, misunderstandings might evolve because their way of doing things differs. As culture involves how a person communicates, their way of dressing, types of foods, and many other factors, it is likely that people from different cultures will have different ways of handling their marriage, thereby leading to separation. Also, my culture is against divorce and advocate for collective identity and interaction. Therefore, spouses who feel they are not getting along are advised to seek help from various social leaders, religious leaders, and psychologists.
In another culture, a marriage problem attributed to divorce is the spouses’ failure to meet their roles. In that culture, the roles of women and men are subdivided. It is men’s role to go out and provide for their families (DiPietro Law Group, 2019). However, some women may feel that they also need to work because perhaps, the man does not provide enough. If the society finds the woman working, it may influence that marriage’s breakup because the spouses are not adhering to the cultural rules. Also, other cultures promote individualism if spouses are involved in a conflict. Although a compromise is essential for a successful marriage, some cultures do not allow spouses to reconcile and instead advise to look for other partners, leading to divorce.
After researching this topic, the results conflicted with what I used to believe that divorce is mainly caused by cheating. I have gained an understanding that besides cheating, marriages have other underlying problems that leads to divorce. Actually, the research has shown that being promiscuous or cheating is just a minor cause of divorce; other factors are more intense than cheating. The most surprising marriage factor that has changed my thinking is the emotional and physical attachment. I did not know that after marriage, so many things happen between the partners. Things such as lack of interest, diversion of attention, and letting things go in the bedroom cause both emotional and physical infidelity, which can be the primary cause of divorce.
Conducting this study helped me enhance my researching skills as I had to dig deep into what causes divorce culturally, psychologically, economically, and religiously. Through the writing process, I gained the skills required to write an excellent flowing essay as I had to make my arguments and sentence structures logical. When I enter marriage life, I will have the necessary skills to manage my marriage because I now understand what marriage problems may lead to divorce.
The differences that exist between couples revolve around social, economic, cultural, psychological, political, and religious. All these factors, in one way or another, contribute to married couples engaging in misunderstandings that later lead to divorce. Hence, couples must take into account their differences in order to preserve their marriages. The social perspective discussed the lack of communication and letting things go in the bedroom. The cultural perspective looked at how different cultures propagate people into divorce and factors such as polygamy and divided roles being the central cultural problems in marriages. Thirdly, psychologically, divorce is enhanced by emotional infidelity and wandering mental focus, leading to losing focus on a partner. Also, divorce causes cannot be completed without talking about economic influence, such as fighting for money and technological interference. Political perspective looked at how political differences can lead to divorce and gave an example of “The Trump Effect.” Lastly, even though God hates divorce according to the Bible, the Bible gives two instances when divorce can happen; in case of abandonment and sexual immorality by a partner. Nonetheless, married couples should take hold of these problems and learn how to avoid them.
Brooks, T. (2017). The problem with polygamy. Justice and the Capabilities Approach, 377-390. doi:10.4324/9781315251240-9
BUSS, D. M., SHACKELFORD, T. K., KIRKPATRICK, L. A., CHOE, J. C., LIM, H. K., HASEGAWA, M., … BENNETT, K. (1999). Jealousy and the nature of beliefs about infidelity: Tests of competing hypotheses about sex differences in the United States, Korea, and Japan. Personal Relationships, 6(1), 125-150. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.1999.tb00215.x
Chery, F. (2020, July 3). 3 biblical reasons for divorce (Shocking truths for Christians). Retrieved from https://biblereasons.com/reasons-for-divorce/
DiPietro Law Group. (2019, April 10). The role of culture in marriage and divorce. Retrieved from https://www.dipietropllc.com/blog/2019/april/the-role-of-culture-in-marriage-and-divorce/
Fincham, F. D. (2003). Marital conflict. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 12(1), 23-27. doi:10.1111/1467-8721.01215
Jones, G. (2018, October 31). How political differences are causing divorce. Retrieved from https://www.goldbergjones-or.com/divorce/political-differences-causing-divorce/
Merali, N. (2015). Money is the root of all evil: Modern-day dowries in South Asian international arranged marriages. Psychology of Gender Through the Lens of Culture, 37-54. doi:10.1007/978-3-319-14005-6_3
Woman’s Divorce.com. (n.d.). Lack of attention. Retrieved from https://www.womansdivorce.com/lack-of-attention.html