Journal Week 9

Question 1

Throughout the video, I noted that it is seldom to have a relationship without conflicts, and that relationship demise underly in individuals’ behaviors. Gottman reports that in good or bad relationships, conflict is inevitable, and behaviors of the four horsemen are indicators of relationship demise. I am also surprised that contempt is one of the indicators of relationship demise. I did not know that correcting someone has detrimental effects, as illustrated by Gottman.

Question 2

In Gottman’s perspective, I would advise romantic partners to avoid becoming or behaving like the four horsemen. For instance, they should avoid defensiveness, stonewalling, contemptuousness. These traits have adverse implications, such as speaking down a partner to reduce their self-esteem or barricading attempts to resolve conflict. Also, I would advise romantic partners to develop effective conflict resolution strategies since conflicts are inevitable. That may entail effective communication, which is a critical relational repair tool.

Question 3

The four horsemen have characters that reveal in destructive relational behaviors; thus, the couple may avoid meeting the four horsemen my counteracting their behaviors. For instance, one may avoid defensiveness by allowing a healthy communication climate or accepting liability of their weakness and mistakes in a relationship. Praising and recognizing the positive traits of a partner may help to avoid contemptuous behavior, and letting others express themselves reduces criticism.

Question 4

I agree with Gottman since I think relationships survive only due to repair. Citing his findings that conflicts are inevitable, without a repair strategy relationship would creak at the first incidence of conflict. As discussed in chapter 12, the repair is done through effective communication. It is an ideal way to challenge the differentiating stage of a relationship learned in chapter 9.