Discussion

What stood out for you from the video? Were there any surprises?

Gottman’s findings that conflict is inevitable in a good or bad relationship stood out for me. Further, one may be a master or among the four disaster horsemen in a relationship. According to Gottman, defensiveness is among the four horsemen for a relationship demise (The Gottman Institute, 2009). This is a big surprise to me since I refer to myself as a defensive person.

What advice would you give to romantic partners so they can be “masters” and not “disasters?”

I would advise romantic partners to master the ability to master the relational repair strategies and avoid defensiveness, contemptuous behavior, and stonewalling. Conflicts are inevitable; hence a couple must devise repair strategies. Defensiveness may damage a relationship since it deprives the factors that facilitate a healthy relational communication climate. Both contempt and stonewalling are disasters ways of speaking down a partner, which causes the demise of a relationship and a risk factor to illnesses (The Gottman Institute, 2009).

What can couples do to prevent meeting the Four Horsemen?

Couples may avoid meeting the four horsemen by engaging in constructive behaviors. One may avoid criticism by analyzing their feelings and how their partner’s behavior affects them. Contempt is avoidable by focusing on positive qualities instead of flaws. Avoiding defensiveness may require taking responsibility and fostering a healthy communication climate. Lastly, couples may collect their thoughts and converse rationally.

Gottman stated that repair work is the “sine qua non” of relationships, and that the quality of the friendship, intimacy, emotional connection and creation of shared meaning and purpose are important for couples to be “masters.” Do you agree with these statements? Why or why not? How does this relate to concepts we discussed from previous chapters?

Yes, ability to repair is paramount in any form of relationship, since conflicts are inevitable (Chapter 11 Video Summary; The Gottman Institute, 2009). It is a critical skill for the masters, who succeed in remaining at the relational maintenance developmental model. Repair counteracts the adverse implications of differentiating learned in chapter 9. The repair accounts for invitational communication mentioned in Chapter 12 Video Summary.

References

Chapter 12  Video Summary- https://oup-arc.com/access/content/adler-interplay-14e-student-resources/chapter-12-video-summary-adler-interplay-14e?previousFilter=tag_chapter-12

Chapter 11 Video Summary – https://oup-arc.com/access/content/adler-interplay-14e-student-resources/chapter-11-video-summary-adler-interplay-14e?previousFilter=tag_chapter-11

The Gottman Institute. (2009). Making Relationships Work | Part 2 | Dr. John Gottman [Film]. United States: The Gottman Institute.